初中英语 点评看图作文

 

点评看图作文

　　写作素材：

　　根据下图，请以“ Three Ways of Communication ”为题，写一篇 100 词左右的作文。请写出每一种方法的好处。

 

　　学生习作：

　　As we all know， communication has been playing an important part in people's life. As far as I know there are many ways of communication. Of them all， mail， telephone and computer are most common （1） used.

　　Writing letters is one of them. People use writing （2） words to exchange information， ideas and thoughts. Although the mail is slow， it is the cheapest mean （3） of communication. The second type is the telephone. By telephone， people use sound to communicate with others and they can liste n（4） each other even if they are far apart. With the development of modern science and technology， the computer has been （5） come into being. Communication with computers is fast and easy. In this way， people send e-mail to each other.

　　In a word， mail， telephone and computer help to bring people in all over the world closer.

　　实作评析：

　　（ 1 ） used 为过去分词，应用副词修饰， common 应改为 commonly .

　　（ 2 ）笔头语言应表达为 written words， writing 应改为 written .

　　（ 3 ） means 永远以复数形式出现但表示单数概念， mean 应改为 means .

　　（ 4 ）此处表听的结果， listen 应改为 hear .

　　（ 5 ） come into being 无被动语态，去掉 been .

　　（ 6 ） all over 为副词，不可用介词修饰，应去掉 in .

　　评语：

　　高级句式：现在完成进行时，被动语态，动名词作主语，让步状语从句。

　　过渡词汇： As we all know， As far as I know， and， In a word.

　　照应句式：开篇交待句和末尾总结句。

　　不足之处：形容词与副词混用错误，现在分词与过去分词混用错误，名词单复数错误，易混动词混用错误，语态错误，介词误用错误。

　　总体印象：层次清晰，脉络分明，线索明确。

　　改后范文：

　　As we all know， communication has been playing an important part in people's life. As far as I know there are many ways of communication of which mail， telephone and computer are most commonly used.

　　Writing letters is one of them. People use written words to exchange information， ideas and thoughts. Slow as the mail is， it is the cheapest means of communication. The second type is the telephone. By telephone， people use sound to communicate with others and they can hear each other even if they are far away. With the development of modern science and technology， the computer has come into being. Communication with computers is fast and easy. In this way， people can send e-mail to each other.

　　In a word， mail， telephone and computer all help to bring people all over the world closer.